So I have been going to a laundry mat in Downtown Berkeley, and despite getting used to the odd assortment of individuals I encounter people never cease to amaze me. The following cartoon is a WORD FOR WORD recreation of an actual conversation I over heard recently. I had my notepad with so I just wrote everything down as it happened.
Although the Nintendo console has been around longer than it’s fellow console juggernauts the Xbox and Play Station systems. It has become the late bloomer in the race of innovation. Even with the recent announcement of the WiiU I still feel as if the Nintendo Wii will only become more and more overshadowed by the competition.
I don’t really think Microsoft or Sony have anything to really worry about. They’ve already announced that they are planning to launch a console revamp within the next year or so. So why is the Nintendo still here? Well here are three reasons why.
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1. Loyal Fan-base (A.K.A “Carriers”)
That’s right everybody. People actually look forward to playing games on that odd misshapen white box of boxiness. It’s like people who enjoy eating black licorice . . . I just don’t get it. That stuff tastes the way car tires smell.
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2. People Keep “Getting” It
Have you ever seen a movie and thought it was so bad you couldn’t fathom how it got produced in the first place? Well those kind of movies get made because the industry sees a market for it. The market is created by the amount of people who buy the tickets to go see the crappy movie. And the amount of money spent to RENT the movie. And since there isn’t a real customer service desk where people can get refunds for seeing a film that makes their eyes bleed, the industry only keeps track of ticket sales not who actually WANTS to see movies like that again.
It's a game within a game . . . within a game . . .
Video Games are like that as well. The Nintendo Wii system is successful because people buy into it. When it first came out the Wii sold way more than the Xbox360 or PS3 during their debuts, because at the time it was innovative technology. And I’m sure that after the Kinect came out there may have been a sudden rush on the trade in of Wii titles. If you’ve played a Kinect and a Wii than you know what I’m talking about. The Wii is clunky and awkward compared to the fluidity of the Kinect technology.
I know some of you have had the ah-ha moment, upon rearranging your entertainment systems realizing, “Oh shit I have a Wii? Who’d I get that from?” or”Which one of my ex’s left this here” or “Why the hell did I ever get this? Oh yeah. To play Guitar Hero . . .”
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3. “Contagious” Franchises
It just keeps reinventing itself. Taking what we know about it already and changing it’s image. Mario, Zelda . . . Pac-Man . . . Mario . . . Zelda . . . Pac-Man . . . Mario, Zelda . . . . SHOOT ME.
I know there are many die hard fans of these two franchises and as a devoted gamer I like to see the classics put forth for other generations but seriously? You’re telling me that nobody at Nintendo had ANY ORIGINAL GAME IDEAS!? Aside from Miaymoto or whatever his name is? And if you throw another Mii game at me I’m gonna punch you in the face! JUMP THE SHARK NINTENDO!!!!
Don’t just show us a different console, show us a different VIDEO GAME!!!
The Victims: Fans of turn of the century based literature.
The Perpetrators:
The Illusionist - Bull's Eye Entertainment (September 1st 2006) Directed by Neil Burger, Based on the short story ""Eisenheim the Illusionist", by Steven Millhauser, Adapted by Neil Burger.
The Prestige - Touchstone Pictures (October 20th 2006) Directed by Christopher Nolan, Based on the Novel by Christopher Priest, Adapted by Christopher and Jonathan Nolan
Similarities: Both films are about magicians in turn of the 20th century Europe with tricks that defy reality. There’s also a dash of romance thrown in along the way.
Differences: Although both films are set during the same time period and deal with discovering secrets behind magic tricks, the sub genres of the two films are very different. The Illusionist comes across as a Romeo and Juliet type political thriller and The Prestige is more like a tragic science fiction crime thriller. I know that seems like a lot to shove into either film but both succeed in handling the different facets of their stories very well.
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*Spoiler Alert*
Jessica Biel and Edward Norton - (The Illusionist 2006)
In The Illusionist, the magician Eisenheim (Edward Norton) comes to fame after a less than privileged youth as the poor son of a cabinetmaker. In his youth he befriends the Duchess Sophie (Jessica Biel) and falls in love. As is tradition in such cases of drastic social differences they can not be together so Eisenheim goes off to become an amazing magician and Sophie goes on to live the life a noble woman should live. They end up
Rufus Sewell - (The Illusionist 2006)
reuniting at the peak of Eisenheim’s success at one of his shows where they rekindle their love affair. Of course this doesn’t bode well with Spohie’s fiance’ the notorious Crown Prince Leopold (Rufus Sewell). Leopold hires Inspector Uhl (Paul Giamatti) to follow them and in turn he becomes the character in the script obbsessed with discovering the magician’s secrets. A chracter type common in both films I suppose it’s necessary in a film about a “illusionist” . . .
Pual Giamati - (The Illusionist 2006)
Sophie enlists the help of Eisenheim in order to prevent Leopold from assinating his father in order to gain control of the throne. However Leopold confronts Sophie and after she mysteriously disapears it is rumored that Leopold has murdered her. Eisenheim is put under suspicion by Leopold and Inspector Uhl is sent to investigate him. Basically Eisenheim puts in motion a sequence of events that gains retribution for Sophie who was “murdered”, leading the Inspector to Leopold who kills himself when confronted with his guilt. It’s very Shawshank . . . that includes the ending *wink*.
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Hugh Jackman - (The Prestige 2006)
Christian Bale - (The Prestige 2006)
The Prestige sets off like a crime thriller with magician Alfred Borden (Christian Bale) on trial for the murder of his colleague/rival Robert Angier (Hugh Jackman). Flashing back to when Borden and Angier were first making a name for themselves we see that the two were friends. While working under another magician Angier’s wife Julia McCullough (Piper Perabo) dies when a trick goes horribly wrong. Since Borden assisted on this particular trick Angier blames him and they begin rival careers. Angier copies Borden’s work until he comes across a trick he cannot mimic. This sets him off to discover Borden’s secrets and steal them from him.
Scarlet Johansen - (The Prestige 2006)
Piper Perabo - (The Prestige 2006)
It sets in motion a very complex web of events with Borden marrying Sarah Borden (Rebecca Hall) and having a daughter, Jess (Samantha Mahurin). While he lives his happy life and successful career Angier can only think of sabotaging him and finding out the inner workings of his act. He enlists his assistant Olivia (Scarlett Johansson) to find out his secrets but she ends up falling for Borden and turning on Angier. Women.
David Bowie - (The Prestige 2006)
After a series of double crosses and intimidation Angier is able to discover that Borden enlisted the help of one Nikola Tesla (David Bowie) in his most notorious act, “The Transported Man”. All I will go onto say is that the technology Tesla has designed is used to assist Borden and Angier but one chooses to use it in a far more sinister way then the other.
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Verdict: This one is a tie. Both of these films are well crafted by Directors who really respected the original stories they were based on. This is just another example of how a filmmaker having their hand in the writing and production of a film results in a more cohesive and successful story. Yes both films are very similar but the plots have enough difference to make them unique and fresh to watch on their own. I will say that The Prestige is the film with the most richness in story which is mostly due to the fact that it is based on an extremely intricate novel and not just a short story like The Illusionist. If you haven’t seen both you need to.
There are some entertainers who have mastered the art of ridicule in such a way that they have turned it into into an art form. I suppose it’s my inner sadist but anytime I hear them poke fun at, curse out incompetent people, or simply execute a line of vapid dialogue I can not help but smile. Here are my top three picks of people I would pay to insult me.
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1. Simon Cowell
Oh Mr. Cowell. His sharp tongue has terrorized aspiring “artists” for decades. Why not a lowly Puerto Rican girl.
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2. Chef Gordan Ramsey
“Where’s the laaaaaaaamb saaaaaaaaaauce!?”
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And the best of them all . . .
3. Jane Lynch
“Your resentment is delicious.”
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Feel free to share any people you feel should have made the list.
Victims: Nerds and Ancient Astronaut theorists everywhere.
Perpetrators:
Mission to Mars (Touchstone Pictures March 2000) - Directed by Brian De Palma
Red Planet (Warner Bros. November 2000) - Directed by Antony Hoffman
Similarities: Both deal with space missions to Mars that go awry.
Differences: There are two distinct differences between these two films. The time in which it takes place and the overall conflict of the plot.
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*Spoiler Alert*
Red Planet takes place in 2056 and Earth is on the verge of a global crisis due to pollution and overpopulation. The solution has been to alter the environment of Mars in order to make it habitable for humans. They accomplish this through automated missions in which they “seed” Mars with Algae that releases oxygen into the atmosphere. The Mars-1 crew is sent to investigate The Red Planet after planetary scans show the oxygen levels suddenly declining.
Carrie-Anne Moss, Benjamin Bratt, Simon Baker, Terence Stamp, Tom Sizemore, and Val Kilmner - Red Planet (2000)
AMEE - (Red Planet 2000) - The AI that goes berserk once they land on Mars. Robots turning against humans . . . classic.
Overall the plot is a bit weak. Pollution? Overpopulation? All pretty predictable factors in a futuristic sci-fi movie so no surprises there. Lets take a look at the cast. They must be a poorly roundup group of actors, right? I mean you have Val Kilmer . . . wait umm . . . Carrie-Anne Moss . . . no, she’s the only woman in the damn movie . . . there’s your nerd bait. Oh Tom Seizemore. . . wait but everyone kind of likes that guy . . . Simon Baker better known for his current role in The Mentalist . . . Benjamin Bratt and the great Terence Stamp . . . WTF? This isn’t a terrible cast. The most unknown person working on this film is the the director Antony Hoffman, who never went on to make another film.
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Don Cheadle - (Mission to Mars 2000)
Mission to Mars begins in the year 2020. Not as much of a futuristic jump as Red Planet but a supposed glance into a would-be future none the less. Like Red Planet it deals with humans trying to colonize Mars. They are doing this by setting up space stations on the surface and building agriculture green-house like buildings where they can produce plants and in turn, a source of oxygen. This first mission also dubbed Mars – 1 is led by astronaut Luke Graham, Don Cheadle. Basically they encounter electronic interference one day and while on an expedition and get attacked by an unseen force. They lose communication with Earth and everyone is thought to be dead. I have a link tot he video below because it’s pretty much the “oh ****” scene of the movie.
Gary Sinise leads the three men one woman crew of the Mars-2 rescue mission consiting of Jerry O’Connell, Connie Nielsen, and Tim Robbins.
Jerry O'Connell, Don Cheadle, Gary Sinise, Tim Robbins, and Connie Nielsen - (Mission to Mars 2000)
Mission to Mars is much better than Red Planet. Yes it deals with the fact that we are going to suffocate our planet with pollution in the future if we continue on they way we do but it doesn’t let that control the story. Above all else it is a very typical rescue-action-drama. It could take place in outer space or the old west with their compadres held captive by mountain men in Appalachia. Either way, Gary Sinise is coming to get you. Fully equipped with a scowly smile and baby blue eyeballs.
Gary Sinise and Jerry O'Connell
Once inside the face on Mars structure they realize that it is actually a monument left to them by their galactic ancestors telling them the secrets of how humans came to be on planet Earth.
Verdict: I think it’s pretty clear that I liked Mission to Mars far better than Red Planet. Although both movies suffered from lulls in action Mission to Mars is the strongest of the two stories. It deals with an explanation of human existence which isn’t hard to swallow even if you DON’T believe in aliens. Could there actually be a face on Mars? And if there is, couldn’t it be a constructed building of some kind left by our ancestors? It’s an interesting question. Who knows how long it will take us to truly understand and explore the vast universe around us.
That’s right. In typical blinder-vision fashion we Americans have thought that our little “bank loan” problem hadn’t gone farther than U.S soil. What most fail to realize, including myself, is that one of the facets of our economy is foreign trade. So what we do over here CAN effect the people we do business with in other countries. Greece is the most current example of this. (read article). I feel like Jon Stewart expressed the issue best in his June22nd, 2011 Episode of The Daily Show. Check out the link below.
You might be taking your extreme views on religon too far when . . . .
YOU GET PROTESTED BY THE KKK!
I have mentioned Fred Phelps in my blog before but for those of you who don’t know who he is I can define him as a living example of how the Fundamentalist Interpretation of Christianity is ruining this country.
The location? Wachington D.C. When? Memorial Day, during a ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery honoring those who fought and died for this country. What? Fred Phelps felt it necessary to picket this ceremenoy as he does the funerals of those who die in our current war in Iraq. Why?! Because God Hates Fags and therefore Hates America and that’s why people die in our wars. . . . .couldn’t have anything to do with the road side bombs or surface to air missiles. I just don’t understand this man. What happened in Fred Phelps’s life to make him such a heinous prophet of ignorance? I don’t understand it. And you you know who else doesn’t.
Dennis LaBonte, the Imperial Wizard of a Virgina based KKK group and 9 of his friends THAT’S WHO!!!
The following is a back and forth between the two groups when the KKK first approached the protesters, as reported by CNN:
“That’s fine,” said Abigail Phelps, the daughter of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps. “They have no moral authority on anything.
“People like them say it’s white power … white supremacy,” Phelps said. “The Bible doesn’t say anywhere that it’s an abomination to be born of a certain gender or race.”
LaBonte insisted he is not a racist nor a “hate-monger,” but said he believes the white race is “slowly and most assuredly being denigrated.”
I mean really Freddy? You’re going to pull the “gender and race card” while your followers wear shirts that say “Jews killed Jesus.com”? THAT’S RACIST!!! YOUR A HATEMONGER AND A HYPOCRITE NOT A MAN OF GOD! And you bear a slight resemblance to this Charlie Manson guy I know. The best thing about this whole thing is that there were even 70 protesters who came out specifically to protest WBC who were in NO WAY associated with the KKK group. But I applaud them all for standing up to that Jackal and his band of followers.
You know what you need in your life, Phelps? Some Cho!
Perpatrators:
Gone in Sixty Seconds - Touchstone Pictures (2000) Directed by Dominic Sena
The Fast and the Furious - Universal Pictures (2001) Directed by Bob Cohen
Similarities: Both films involve a car crazy crook with a past looking at a chance for redemption. They also involve brazen police officers who employ no-nonsense tactics to catch these crooks. And since both films deal greatly with redemption it’s no surprise how both films end.
Differences:
Gone in Sixty Seconds 2000
Gone in 60 Seconds is about not being able to escape your past. Memphis Raines (Nicolas Cage) has returned home to save his younger brother Kip (Giovanni Ribisi) from the clutches of British crime boss Raymond “The Carpenter” Calitri (Christopher Eccleston). Memphis is forced to call on the help of his mentor Otto (Robert Duvall) the “auto-mechanic” hardy har har . . ex girlfriend Sway (Angelina Jolie) and numerous other grifters in order to pull off a 50car heist and save his brother. Following the movements of Memphis and his gang our a police duo that in my mind was EXTREMELY well-cast. You have Delroy Lindo as Detective Castlebeck and Timothy Olyphant as Detective Drycoff. Delroy Lindo and Timothy Olyphant!!!! Those two combined are more bad ass then the entire main cast of both films! But I digresss . . . Of course they venture into stealing all the cars blah blah blah . . . things look good . . . things don’t look good . . . cue laughter . . . shit hits the fan . . . shit gets resolved . . . the end.
Nicolas Cage, Timothy Olyphant, and Delroy Lindo - Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000)
Fast and the Furious is about seeing the good in the bad. Police officer Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) infiltrates the underworld of illegal LA street racing in hopes of discovering who is behind a recent string of hijackers. He befriends Dominic Toretto and his lowly band of racers including Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) and Mia Toretto (Jordana Brewster). After becoming attached to the group he must blur the line between his investigation and newfound allegiances in order to find the real criminals behind the hijacking. They race . . . they race some more . . . Brian O’Conner stands up to The Man . . . they race . . . blah blah blah . . . find out who’s hijacking people . . . defend their on . . . blah blah blah . . . defend honor some more . . . Paul Walker saves the day . . . blah blah blah.
Verdict: I am going to go with Gone in Sixty Seconds. Not to say that The Fast and The Furious wasn’t good at all but I felt it was more MTV then Gone in Sixty Seconds. This most likely has to do with the fact that Gone in Sixty Seconds is based on a 1974 movie called Gone in 60 Seconds. If I’ve learned anything from watching older films it’s that they paid more attention to story structure and character development. Here’s the synopsis:
Insurance investigator Maindrian Pace and his team lead double-lives as unstoppable car thieves. When a South American drug lord pays Pace to steal 48 cars for him, all but one, a 1973 Ford Mustang, are in the bag. As Pace prepares to rip-off the fastback, codenamed “Eleanor”, in Long Beach, he is unaware that his boss has tipped off the police after a business dispute. Detectives are waiting and pursue Pace through five cities as he desperately tries to get away
Now if you have seen the Nick Cage version of the film you can tell just by the description that there are some similarities between the 1974 version and the 2000 version.
Henry B. Halicki - Gone in 60 Seconds 1974
Gone in Sixty Seconds isn’t just a common remake though. It is the continuation of the legacy of Henry B. Halicki who wrote, directed, and starred in the original. An avid car collector and successful businessman he set out to make Gone in 60 Seconds with a skeleton of a script, a small crew, and limited resources. After the success of the film he continued his career in film earning the nickname “The Car Crash King”. In 1989 Halicki died in a freak accident on the set of Gone in Sixty Seconds 2. A 160ft water tower rigged to fall during a car chase seen toppled due to a defective cable that snapped and severed a telephone pole which fell on Halicki and killed him instantly. Jerry Bruckheimer in association with Disney, purchased the rights to the story in 1995 and began filming Gone in Sixty Seconds in 1999.
What works with the newest one is that it isn’t a direct remake of the original but more of a rejuvenation which is something I like to see. It takes the basic framework of a well coordinated story and develops it into a modern format. And they did it all without making it all about the “hey look what my car can do” factor like in The Fast and the Furious, which was pretty much just a car show with dialogue. . . and Vin Diesel . . .
Victims: Anyone who became terrified of going in the Ocean after the 70′s.
Perpetrators:
Jaws (1975) - Directed by Steven Spielberg, Written by Peter Benchley (novel/screenplay) and Carl Gottlieb
Orca (1977) - Directed by Michael Anderson Written by Luciano Vincenzoni, Sergio Donati, and Robert Towne
Similaritis: In a seasonal fishermen infested vacation town off the coast of a mostly secluded area tourists and locals are terrorized by a deep sea mammal. Muhahahaha.
*SPOILER ALERT*
Differences:
Susan Backlinie - Jaws (1975)
Jaws is a more traditional film in the sense that there is an antagonist, the shark, and a protagonist, the local sheriff played by Roy Scheider, and ultimately there is a face off between the two opposing forces in which the hero comes out on top. Very American. Orca on the other hand reverses these roles and despite the antagonist seeming to be the whale it is ultimately a role more well suited for the main character, a deep sea fisherman played by Richard Harris. Orca really makes you want to be on the side of the whale and I feel like this is mainly due to the foreign influences of the story developers.
Jaws (1975)
Jaws takes place in the beachy town of Amity, the epitome of small town America. Chief Martin Brody (Scheider) is charged with its protection. However his authority is overlooked on the eve of the biggest tourist season of the year when a young girl is killed by what he believes to be a shark. Amity’s Mayor, Murray Hamilton, refuses to close the beaches despite Brody’s concern. It’s the classic tale of one person trying to prevent a disaster and the establishment refusing to heed their warning until it is too late.
Robert Shaw, Roy Schneider, and Richard Dreyfuss - Jaws (1975)
Ultimately Brody and his Motley Crew are brought in to venture out and take care of the shark when it kills again. This crew consists of a brasin sea captain Sam Quint (Robert Shaw) and marine biologist Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss). While it does take awhile to get to this point of the film it is a big pay off. We get to watch a shark ‘splode! After the awesome sea captain gets killed though 
. Small price to pay for some cinematic justice.
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Two years after the crisis of the fictional Amity beach town Orca came out. Interesting fact to note is that the boat they set out to destroy Jaws on was called, Orca. Coincidence? I think not.
Orca starts off in a more graphic fashion. Hard to consider seeing as a woman is killed in the first ten minutes of Jaws. The reason that this particular film is more graphic then it’s predecessor is because it actual shows things, which might have been the reason it wasn’t as commercially acceptable as Jaws. One film you could get away with taking your kid to the other you most certainly could not.
Momma Orca dies - Orca (1977)
Orca opens on the fishing boat of Captain Nolan, played by Richard Harris. We might remember him better today as the original Albus Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone and Chamber of Secrets. Back in 1977 he was poaching whales! As Captain Nolan he ends up killing a female whale in the beginning of Orca only to realize that she was pregnant. The baby whale spills out onto the deck.
The dead orca baby . . . so sad - Orca (1977)
All of this unfolds while the Daddy Orca looks on in horror from afar. It is this incident that insights the Orca to reek havoc on Captain Nolan, his crew, and the fishing town he calls home. One of the best scenes in this film is when the Orca slams into Captain Nolan’s seaside home and attacks Annie (Bo Derek) an injured crew member. Causing the house to fall into the ocean Annie slides into the grasp of the Orca much like the way Quint does towards the end of Jaws. the only difference here is that instead of dying the woman gets her leg nawed off by a whale. It’s awesome.
Bo Derek getting her leg ate up - Orca (1977)
In the end Captain Nolan along with the remaining crew, a helpful Native American Umilak (Will Sampson), and Rachel Bedford (Charlotte Rampling) set out to fight the vengeful Orca. Basically they get owned by the Orca because Karma is on it’s side. I really don’t want to go into details because it’s pretty messed up sequence of events for an ending. Not your traditional neatly resolved Hollywood ending like Jaws.
Richard Harris, Peter Hooten, and Will Sampson - Orca (1977)
Verdict:
Jaws by a nose! I like the fact that Orca was a lot more graphic just for the simple fact that I was NOT expecting that at all the first time I saw it. And the ending is non-traditional which is always a plus. The good thing about Jaws is that the story is so well handled that there is no need for an excessive amount of gore or even the need to show the shark for almost the entire film. There’s just this overwhelming build up of dread that culminates into an amazing climax ending. Very well done.
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*Shameless Spin-offs*
KILLER FISH!!! (1979)
Need I say more . . . .
Just a Thought # 9: “Have you ever SEEN a chicken?”
Arrested Development was one of the greatest comedies of our time and it was a terrible shame it was canceled on FOX only to make way for an endless parade of mindless drivel. However since it went off the air in 2006 there has been talk about a movie adaptation. And with the Hollywood clout of Ron Howard behind it you know that the film will not lack funding/resources of any sort.
SO WHAT’S THE ISSUE!?
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1. Bigger and Better things
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2. Too Much Hype
This show is amazing. If you hate it you need therapy. You need to be strapped down to a stretcher and rolled into a cold dark room and given electro shock therapy while listening to “Franklin’s Greatest Hits”. Don’t know who Franklin is? Go stick your head in a corn baller.
"No habla espanol."
Due to it’s reputation some of the cast members are actually a little stand offish about the movie, approaching it with a “I’ll believe it when I see it” kind of point of view. Michael Cera and David Cross are the cast members who have spoken about this fact the most.
"Who'd like a banger in the mouth?"
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3. IT ISN’T HERE!
Why? Don’t dangle it in front of my face like a delicious piece of freshly baked chicken! It’s just not fair . . . this better happen, and happen soon. Which it looks like it will . . .
Until that day here are some clips to keep you busy. Or check it out on Netflix Watch Instantly.